He is really somebody

— My uncle has 1000 men under him.

— He is really somebody. What does he do?

— A maintenance man in a cemetery.


— 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

— 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

— 墓地守墓人。

搞笑的英语小笑话:I Wasn’t Asleep

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: “Wake up, sir!”

“I wasn’t asleep,” the man answered.

“Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.”

“I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car.”







A Wild Guess

Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede’s principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery,he ran down the street yelling, “Eureka, eureka!” The professor asked if anyone knew what that meant.

One student stood up and answered, “I’m naked! I’m naked!”


我们的物理教授千方白计地引导学生讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们,阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡,他进入池子,发现水涨高了,溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动,跑到街上高喊:”Eureka, eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。


搞笑的英语小笑话:The poor husband

“You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife,” the man complained to his friend. “She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.



Who’s More Polite?

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.



搞笑的英语小笑话:Let Dog in Hotel

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.”


旅馆主人立即回了封信,“我经营旅馆很多年了,狗从没偷过毛巾,床单, 餐具,或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它,狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆,如果它为您担保,也欢迎您来。






A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined.

“You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!”

搞笑的英语小笑话:Intelligent son

One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn’t write the address and addressee’s name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: “You have thrown the letter in the mail box?”


“You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?”

“I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope.”

“Then why you didn’t take it back?”

“I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!”



儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”




A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She

watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, “Woof, woof, woof!” The cat was so terrified that it ran for it’s life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, “Now, do you understand the value of a second language?”




搞笑的英语小笑话:Put your feet in

The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. “Mary !” called the teacher sharply. “Yes,Madam?” questioned the pupil , “Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!”